A Match › Dating after divorce: starting again at your own pace
Dating after divorce: starting again at your own pace
There is no right moment to start dating again after a divorce. These ideas help you decide what you want and avoid common pitfalls.
Are you ready?
There is no set time. Some people feel ready within months, others after years. Signs you may be ready include being able to talk about your ex without strong anger or sadness, feeling curious about meeting people and having a life that feels full without a partner.
Signs you may want more time include wanting to make an ex jealous, looking for someone to fill a gap or finding that most conversations turn into talking about the divorce. Talking to friends, a counsellor or a support group can help.
Know what you want
Think about what you want from dating now. It may not be the same as before. You might want a relationship, company, or just to enjoy meeting new people. Being clear helps you write an honest profile and spot people who want the same.
Practical things to sort first
- Legal status. If you are still married, you are not legally divorced until the final order is made. Take legal advice if you are unsure how dating might affect any finances or proceedings.
- Money. Keep finances separate from a new partner until things are settled and you have built trust.
- Home and children. Decide what you will share and when.
This is general information, not legal advice. For questions about your divorce, speak to a solicitor.
Talking about your past
Be honest that you are divorced, but you do not need to share everything on a first date. Keep it short and neutral: "I was married for twelve years. It ended two years ago and we're on good terms." Avoid criticising your ex. People tend to hear it as a sign of how you might talk about them.
Dating with children
Be upfront in your profile about having children. Take your time before introducing a new partner to them. Many parents wait until a relationship is established and stable. Keep early dates to times when children are with the other parent or a trusted carer, and arrange childcare in advance. Do not post pictures of your children on your profile.
Be kind to yourself
Early dates can bring up memories. It is fine to feel sad, excited or both. Take it slowly, and do not compare every date to your ex. Not every date has to lead somewhere.
Stay safe
Divorce can make people lonely, and fraudsters know it. Be especially careful about people who profess love quickly or ask for money. Read our guides to online dating safety and romance scams.
Meeting people offline too
Dating apps are not the only route. Clubs, volunteering, evening classes, walking groups and friends of friends are all good ways to meet people with shared interests. Try a mix.
Money and practicalities
Dating costs money, and after a divorce budgets can be tight. Set a modest budget for dates and stick to it. Free or cheap first dates are a sign of sense, not stinginess. Be careful about lending money to anyone you are dating, and be wary of anyone who asks, particularly early on.
Co-parenting and new partners
If you share care of children, keep your ex informed in a calm, practical way if a new partner is going to be around them, in line with whatever you have agreed. Children usually cope best when changes are slow and predictable. Avoid using children as messengers, and keep adult conversations about your dating life away from them.
Support
Relate and similar organisations offer counselling, and many areas have single-parent or divorced-and-separated groups. Friends who have been through it often give the most useful advice.
Frequently asked questions
How soon can I date after divorce?
There is no set time. Many people wait until they feel emotionally settled. Take legal advice if you are unsure about how dating may affect your divorce or finances.
When should I introduce a new partner to my children?
Many parents wait until the relationship is stable and serious. Go at a pace that feels right for your children.
Should I tell dates I am divorced?
Yes, but keep it short and neutral. You do not need to give all the details on a first date.